Looking for Yes-men (and women)

As this sabbatical year draws to a close, I find myself wondering about future possibilities. Actually, “wondering” may not be quite the word…it’s a little more like yearning, hoping, crossing-fingers, holding-breath, and looking for a rabbit’s foot. Or, most specifically, looking for some folks to tell me “yes.”

My dreams for the future keep surfacing as questions: “Can I really believe Girlfriend when she says she isn’t worried or resentful about my diminished income?” “It is really possible to simply trust that somehow work enough will come my way?” “Is it possibly not-crazy to sign up for classes at the very-expensive seminary just when I don’t know how much money we’ll have?” “Is it possible to use that deep joy that I feel when I pray, or swim, or dance with Girlfriend as a guide to what actions, what responsibilities I’ll take on in the future?” “Can I ignore the gloom and doom of the recession talk for now?” “Will I ever be able to retire, if I do?”

I spent some time wondering who I might approach with all these questions. I mean, prayer is feeling great—but not particularly articulate—these days. I tried to figure out how to track down a spiritual director, and wondered whether I could start that process with these queries, or if we’d have to dance around some doctrine for awhile. I imagined talking to a variety of friends. Since they weren’t strangers, I could imagine their responses…

Which made it clear: no one can say “no” to me right now. I mean, of course they could, but I’d ignore it if they did. For better or for worse, I’m on a sort of pathway at the moment—completely unexpected, sort of freaky, economically irresponsible—according to the experts. But mine, at least for now.

My refusal to be swayed by any “no’s,” does not diminish my desire for conversation, company, communion. This whole year has been a sort of pier, a long and narrow diving board…and now I realize it’s getting even longer, and it’s scary being way out here, and feeling all alone.

There is a kind of recognition, a kind of understanding to it—each of us, most likely, has these moments on the pier. That’s what it means to be an individual: at some point, each path branches from the rest. But I wonder, in the absence of some yes-folks, how many of us turn away or hesitate, or go more slowly than we’d like or can?

This makes me want to be a little bit more generous with yes’s, especially when it’s clear that someone has already headed off. This coming year might be the most extraordinarily stupid year of my whole life, and will have repercussions—good or ill—there’s no way I can predict from this December vantage point. But here I go—as do so many others—who really wants to hoard their “told you so’s” right now?

It’s Christmas, after all. Let’s give each other Yes’s in this Yuletide season—let’s try, for just this while, to believe—if not in Santa Claus or the Messiah, then just for these few weeks, in one another.

[You can use the “contact me” link in the left corner, up above,

should you have some extra Yes you want to send…]

© 2008 Melissa Capers